The Specious Report 2002
= Most Popular

December
LaffMaster 1.0 Generating Satire during Staff Holiday
Family Pleads for Relief from Charity Junk Mail
 Trent Lott's Kwanzaa Message to the Nation
 President Spells Out New Cyber Security Plans
Kermit la frog absent en la France, craint mange
 The "Burning Bush" Joke That Will Land You in Prison
 Nigeria Holds Alternate Miss World Pageant
Psychics Who Demand Their Million Told to "Shove It"
 Bin Laden Nudes are Fake, Swiss Lab Says

November
Man Dies Trying to Match Global Sex Average
 Tape Shows Ari Fleischer Called Jean Chretien a Bitch
Couch Potato Holding Out for Really Hot Chick
'Stan' Countries Crown First Miss Penitentiary
 Christina Aguilera's Nipple Tweaker Goes on Strike
Strategically Placed Yard Sign Causes Voter to Reconsider
 Homeland Security Department Unveils Official Seal

October
 Prosecutors Reach Compromise over Sniper Jurisdiction
U.S. Iraq War Put on Back Burner; Saddam Hurt, Angry
 Urban Serial Sniper's Tarot Death Card
 Dock Strike Won't Cause Shortage of Cheap Crap, Assures Wal-Mart
Mad Magazine 50th Anniversary Marred by Near-Tragedy
Researchers Conquer Annoying "Asparagus Pee" Odor
Bush Favors "Tough Love" Policy for Nation's Wealthy

September
 Retailers Experiment with "Human Pop-up Windows"
New Reality Show to Be Based on Gilligan's Island
 "Father" of Internet Smiley Named in Class Action
Imprisoned Customer Survives Ordeal
Last Anthrax-Sniffing Dog Succumbs to Inhalation Anthrax
Airport Smuggles Weapons Past TV Station Security
 The New and Improved Florida Ballot
 Crustaceans Slam Bush for "Crawdad" Remark

August
SatireWire Founder Yields to Saudi Pressure
 Kabul Blockbuster Hits CNN with Late Fees
 President Drops in on President's Forum
Tupperware Peddler Hijacks Botox Party
 Air Guitar Collection a Total Lost in Garage Fire
Louisiana Mosquito Ranch Forced to Close
Bush Outlines Faith-Based Economic Initiatives

July
Moshood Seko Mobutu Running Out of Money, Time
 Hamsterdance Poised to Buy AOL Time Warner
 Mad Magazine's Rejected World Trade Center Design
Alpha-Centauri Put on Earth's No-Call List
Vandals Hack The Specious Report, Post Actual News
Horrifying Lack of July 4th Terrorist News Narrowly Averted
 Five Reasons We'll Miss "Politically Incorrect"
Baseball Hall of Fame Running Low on Freezer Space
 Palestinian Sonogram Shocks Civilized World
Terminal Patient Wishes He Had Spent More Time at Work

June
Investigators Release Text of "Forest Fire" Letter
Court Blocks Triple Execution "Shot-Party" in Texas
Top 100 Finally Purged of Brit Scourge
 Condi Rice Gives "War & Peace" to Bush, Rubik's Cube to Fish
 Internet to Shut Down for Two Weeks in August
 President Reconsiders Pre-emptive West Nile Strike
"The Man" Shrugs Off Talk of Retirement
 Arbitrator Denies Ringo's Claims to Beatle Tontine
Gotti Lieutenants Issue Vendetta, Enter Med School
Shock Jock Would Rather Be Accordion Virtuoso

May
Performance Art Protected by 1st Amendment
 How to Cope with Being a Popular Moron
 Presidential Cornerstone Invitation Honors The Specious Report
Bush's Top Secret Plan for Iraq
 Wheaton Clips His Toenails; Webheads are Mesmerized
Small Town Cop Robs, Arrests Self
Louisiana Family Lives in America's Most Dangerous Household
IRS Plan Addresses Reparations
Clown Prince Abdullah Took Dubya's Practical Jokes in Stride

April
 Pop-Up Windows Inventor Won't Stay Buried
Osamathon Pledge Drive Raises Millions for Martyrdom
 Colin Powell's Excellent Adventure
Beatnik "Lost Tribe" Discovered Living Under New York
 Surveillance Indicates Sleeper Cells are Bored Shitless
The Shroud of Lindh
Animal Control Orders Cast of "Cats" Eradicated
 Minolta Introduces Butt-Friendly Copier
Nine-Eleven Atrocities Attributed to Overworked Deity
"Smiley Face" Dies in Prison at Age 68
Muddled Phone Conversation Clears Airport
 Halle Berry's Triumph Brings New Hope to Beautiful Women
Gates Resolves Anti-Trust Suit, Buys Nine States
ANWR Eskimos Give Exxon-Mobil the Green Light
Tele-Nuisance Unsubscription Fee Concept Spreads to Internet
President Signs Reforms During "Ernest" Pause
Starr Series Sets New Benchmark

March
 Camp X-Ray Detainees Refuse to Eat Their Vegetables
Flight School Receives Student Visas; Better Late Than Never
Afghan Druglords Encouraged to Plant Tasty Spring Foliage
T. Boone Pickens Sues Mother Nature Over Water Rights
 Anna Nicole Smith Verdict Snarls Traffic
 Italian Engineers Complete Washington Monument Renovations
Town Rolls Up Sidewalks... Literally!
Man Using Fake ID Receives Fake Airline Tickets
Dallas Contractor Accepts Blame for Cocaine Switcheroo
"Shadow Government" Has Been in Place Since Bush Election
Drew Carey Fan Disillusioned after Finding Scripts
Evil Doers' Defeat is Swift and Decisive
Thousands Still Waiting in Line at SLC International

February
 Pepsi Campaign Marks Official End of Britney's Career
USO Tells Ozzy to Piss Off
 Why Do College Girls Stick Their Tongues Out When They Flash?
Colorado Man Grows His Own Victory Garden Poppies
Schwarzenegger Goes Abroad to Consult Mechanic
 Grammy for "Suckiest 9/11 Song"
Ninety-Five Percent of LBJ Phone Tapes Inaudible
Youngster Amazed to Receive Post Card
Congress Throws Giant Clearance Sale
Web Poll: State of the Union Address
Security Cameras Catch Enron Executives Red-Handed

January
Brussels Accidentally Buys Park Place and Boardwalk in Euro Mix-Up
Car Makers Decommission Models that Will Never Be Produced
 Bush Personally Interrogates John Walker Lindh
Enron Stock Soars after New Business Plan is Announced
President Bush is First to Benefit from Education Reforms
Enron Execs Thank Employees for a Merry Christmas
Al Gore Probably in Hiding; May Have Shaved Beard

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