Washington DC — The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts has unveiled the timetable for an extensive overhaul and its envisioned fall programming. The makeover will include updating the nearly 61-year-old name of the facility to "Trump Colosseum".
The Center, which President Trump describes as being in "tremendous disrepair", closes for major renovations that will take an estimated six months. Besides the new name, updated features will include an underground putting green, an omelette bar, golden entryway columns and trademark "TRUMP" exterior signage.
Tentative musical headliners include A-listers Kid Rock, Kanye West, Ted Nugent and Presidential favorite, The Village People. The January 6th Prison Choir has made flexible their busy "Justice For All" touring schedule to be available as an opening act if and when needed.
An innovative new event, regularly televised disloyalty trials, are expected to put the spotlight on comedians who have ridiculed President Trump. The list of head-liners includes John Oliver, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers as well as the entire cast of Saturday Night Live.
Kennedy Center Honors (soon-to-be Trump Colosseum Honors) may include Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Roger Stone and Steve Bannon. And negotiations are underway for Presidential Medal of Freedom awards ceremonies hosting Kim Jong Il, Vladimir Putin and other visionary leaders who have shaped world history.
The Colosseum's spacious new theater facilities will also see frequent "roasts" of Republicans who haven't quite lived up to the President's expectations. And of course, no theatrical lineup would be complete without the ever-popular President Donald J. Trump One-Man Shows.
No doubt this revamped cultural hub will become the heart of a new era in American entertainment—a time when political polarization is fêted, loyalty is the highest virtue, and every event is a celebration of our Constitutional Freedoms, regardless of what that actually means.