Salem, MA — Each year local media feature lurid segments about tampering and recommend herding our children to parties instead of letting them wander door-to-door.
Washington, DC — U.S. President Donald Trump took to social media this morning to express his displeasure with how the Nobel Committee chose this year's recipient of its Peace Prize, claiming the results were skewed by "millions of illegal mail-in ballots."
London, UK — Tilly Norwood, widely considered the first algorithmically-generated internet influencer, has accused several IT company interns of generating adult content using her likeness without her consent.
Kyiv, UA — Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has announced the deployment of several of that country's top military advisors to Portland, Oregon, citing his deep concerns regarding American democracy. The move comes in response to President Trump’s promise to “restore order” to U.S. cities, which Zelenskyy described as “eerily familiar.”
Burbank, CA — Disney's American Broadcasting Company has announced the popular podcast Info Wars with Alex Jones will inherit the hour once held by Jimmy Kimmel Live. The decision to shelve Kimmel came in response to what FCC Chairman Brendan Carr called Kimmel's "truly sick" malicious lies.
Madison, WI — Carolyne Lactose, spokesmodel for the North American Dairy Council, says the group plans to make public the results of its investigation into allegations against its president.
Hershey, PA — For some residents, living in the factory's shadow leaves a bitter taste in their mouths.
Washington, DC — The debut of U.S. immigration's standard issue apparel, said to "harken back to simpler times," is being met with mixed reviews.
Baggypants Ranch, NC — The entire 2025 graduating class of a remote school for professional clowns was lost after being abandoned inside a clown car parked outside during record heat. The victims ranged in age from 23 to 67.
Mar-A-Lago, FL — At a weekend golf tournament afterparty celebrating the destruction of Iranian nuclear capabilities, President Trump took the opportunity to announce his "Buy Bonds" initiative reminiscent of similar campaigns at the start of World War II./p>
Hoboken, NJ — A new tell-all written by Sinatra's longtime pen pal and sometime "cabin mate" Candy Gwendelabra reveals the crooner's conflicted feelings about the success of Strangers In The Night.
Washington, DC — Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is turning heads and raising eyebrows with her latest fashion statement. The two-term Republican now boasts one of the thickest, darkest beards in Congress.
Columbus, OH — Eighteen-year-old Austin Houston has filed a lawsuit against the major fossil fuel corporations, claiming a decade of "emotional and manual labor damages" for sorting various plastics that were falsely labeled as recyclables.
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Ask AI: "Can you show me some of those cool flying cars from the 1950s that my grandpa is always talking about?"
Ask AI: "My doctor insists on giving me prostate exams every six months. Should I look for a different dentist?"
Ask AI: "If the universe is only 14 billion years old, how can it be 92 billion light years wide?"
Ask AI: "What If All U.S. Presidents Were Robots?"
Ask AI: "I just had a colonoscopy and now I have a lot of leftover Crystal Light. I guess I bought too much! What can I do with it?"
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