President Joe Biden

Biden Places Fourth Among All U.S. Presidents

Washington, DC — President Joe Biden has secured a spot among the top five American Presidents on the prestigious index published annually by The National Institute for Alphabetization. For the fourth year in a row, President Biden surpassed previous POTUSes, marking a significant shift in the rankings of our Commanders-in-Chief.

E.coli Source Once Again Traced To California's Crapstench Valley

San Francisco, CA — The remarkable flavor of vegetables grown in California’s Crapstench Valley has captured the hearts—and palates—of organic food lovers and health-conscious consumers alike.

E.coli Outbreak

Trump Names Hulk Hogan Secretary Of Man Boobs

Washington, DC — President-elect Donald Trump announced today that former legendary professional wrestler Hulk Hogan has been tapped for the "Secretary of Man Boobs" position in a move that experts are already calling “embarrassingly fitting.”

Hulk Hogan Manboobs

Infinite Number of Monkeys Escape Iowa Writers' Workshop

Iowa City, IA — In an unprecedented event that has left the literary world reeling, an infinite number of monkeys have broken out of the highly regarded Iowa Writers’ Workshop compound.

Infinite Number of Monkeys

Camela Camel And Mr. Grump

In a land far away, where the sun always beamed,
Lived Camela Camel who always had dreamed
Of helping all animals, both big and both small,
She wanted to be the best leader of all!

Camela Camel And Mr. Grump

Texas School Board Bans Zucchinis And Bananas Because, Well, You Know...

Dallas, TX — The Dallas County School District announced this week the immediate ban of zucchinis and bananas from all school lunches.

Board Bans Zucchinis

NBC to Begin Production on Dementia Sheldon

Hollywood, CA – In a last-minute addition to its Fall programming schedule, NBC announced that it will rush production of a new sitcom spin-off.

Dementia Sheldon

Kennedy Declares Himself Winner of Trump/Harris Debate by “Strategic Non-Participation”

Philadelphia, PA — Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared himself the winner of last night's debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris, citing “strategic non-participation” as his winning strategy.

Trump/Harris Debate

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