Minneapolis, MN — Local businesses refusing to accommodate Immigration and Customs Enforcement personnel has forced some to resort to desperate measures.
Growing animosity toward the armed Federal forces have most local establishments refusing entry for them even to use restroom facilities. ICE agents have been caught urinating and defecating in downtown alleyways and residential back yards.
But the most shocking videos posted to social media show tactical-gear-clad agents subduing cats and dogs, then spiriting them away in unmarked SUVs. "Citizen journalists" following the vehicles have documented instances of the animals being cooked and eaten in makeshift fire pits throughout the city.
And not all of these unfortunate creatures have been strays. Minneapolis pet owners have reported their faithful companions missing since ICE forces began canvassing the suburbs. One neighborhood resident even claims ICE battered down her door and, instead of demanding to see her papers, asked if she owned any hamsters or large birds they could snack on.
Leaked group chat communications showed individuals texting that if any agents were squeamish about killing someone's pet for a hot meal, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem would be more than happy to volunteer her services.